Don't Fake Your Smile
by pseudo-shigure
Summary: from the end of manga vol.5, when tezuka about to have a match with Echizen... and someone get hurts. Tezuka x Fuji


disclaimer: if they're mine, they're not gonna be junior high students and playing something else instead of tennis

A/N: my first tenipuri fic that finish in the first shot, yay! It's yaoi, of course, and since I'm the one who made it, it's ANGST, of course. Really sorry for the lousy grammar and a bit of OOC-ness here and there. RR please!

-

"Fuji!" called Kikumaru, "You won't believe it!".

"What is that, Kikumaru?" asked Fuji, with his regular lovely smile plastered on his face.

When it comes to Kikumaru , every little things turn big

"Oishi, said that Tezuka wants to have a match with Echizen,".

That one caught Fuji's attention.

"Really?"

"Oishi said that the game will be held after Echizen's eye is recovered," the red haired boy explains in enthusiasm.

"Well that's interesting," said Fuji, still with a smile on his face.

Actually, he found it more than just interesting, he's a little bit annoyed with this news. But he never let anyone knows what he really thinks or feels. Though, when it comes to Kikumaru he usually let go off his guard a just a little bit. He knew the energetic boy is too innocent to read anything behind his smile. But this time, he felt like he couldn't let go off his guard, not even a bit, not even to Kikumaru. Instead, his smile was grew even bigger.

"Morning, guys," greet Oishi with Tezuka standing right next to him.

"Morning, Shu-chan. Morning, Bushou," said Kikumaru.

And Fuji just do what _a_ Fuji got to do, he smile to both of the guys. "Morning," he said.

"Eiji, I got something to talk to you," and with that the vice-captain circled his arm around Kikumaru's neck and take him away.

"See you later, guys!" Kikumaru waved his hand to Fuji an Tezuka before Oishi drag him somewhere else.

The ever smiling Fuji returned Kikumaru's wave with another one and said, "See you later,".

The captain is still standing there, right beside him. Fuji put his hands in his pocket and shrug. "I guess see you later too, buchou," he said that without a smile, just a cold face with a glint of annoyance. Then he took off.

Tezuka just staring at Fuji's back without saying a word. He's frowning a little bit, trying to understand his attitude. But then again Fuji always act like that toward him.

-

It was lunchtime when the vice-captain and the captain himself running hurriedly to the tennis court. Not for training, but to stop a match.

"Eiji, why didn't you stop them!" snapped Oishi as he and Tezuka arrived at the court with Echizen and Fuji dueling on it.

While Kikumaru and Oishi arguing about the match, Tezuka took a step closer to the court. He's staring at Fuji's expression, and he saw something he's never seen before. Tezuka knew his friend never take any non-competition match as a serious match. But this time, Tezuka really has no idea how to make him stop the match.

"FUJI! Stop it!" Both Fuji and Echizen were too focused on the match that they seem didn't hear it. Or maybe they just didn't want to.

Tezuka knew exactly that Fuji was the one that challenge Echizen, and the junior was too cocky too say no though his left eye was still bleeding sometimes. And he also knew that words weren't enough to stop that match. So Tezuka walked straight ahead to Fuji who was about to do another serve.

"I said stop it, Fuji," said Tezuka, staring straight into Fuji's blue eyes and holding his racket to top him doing another serve.

"Well," Fuji shrugged and smiled, "if you insist," then he walked out of the court and left everyone who'd been watching the match.

"Not so fast, Fuji," mumbled the captain as he dragged the shorter boy to the clubroom.

The room was empty when they got there. Tezuka locked the door behind them then sat on the edge of his desk and told Fuji to sit on the chair before him.

Fuji knew Tezuka would mad at him, then they would argue about the why and the how, bla, bla, bla, but it wouldn't effect him and everything would be back to normal. He had been broken too many rules that this kind of trial was just everyday routine for him.

It always ends up with him successfully made Tezuka kiss him a few kisses, so it would be fine.

"Just what the hell are you thinking!" snapped Tezuka.

okay, here it goes

"That boy's aye is still bleeding and you challenged him to had a match with you!" he shook himself a few times in disbelieve, he was obviously trying to calm down his emotion. It has been three years, and it was still hard to understand Fuji. Sometimes even Tezuka didn't know what's he up to or just simply how his brain worked. He's so manipulative.

Tezuka still remember how he made him do their first time. Their first sex

**FLASHBACK**

That afternoon, they were just two juniors in Seigaku Tennis Club. And as juniors they had to collect every ball and stuff like that. Everyone had has finished their job and has left the two of them counting the balls.

"Could you work a bit faster? I wanna go home to," asked Tezuka, annoyed by Fuji's slow work that keeping them in the clubroom when everybody had left few minutes ago.

"You don't like me around you," accused Fuji. There wasn't any hard felling in his tone, as if he just stating a truth. Instead he even keep on smiling.

"Fuji, you know it's not that," said Tezuka as he stood closer to Fuji to prove his what he just said.

"So you like it when I'm with you," Fuji stared at Tezuka's ayes to seek approval. And his partner just nod. "Listen," he said firmly, and to be miraculously without he said that his infamous smile that been curved on his face since the first time he entered Seigaku, "I'll be honest with you, Tezuka. For me you're such an interesting guy. And I want you,".

That statement was shocking Tezuka to death. First, Fuji wasn't smiling as usual, then he said he want him. Tezuka could do nothing but staring at his new friend ridiculously.

The next thing he knew, Fuji was kissing him. And it must've been a very lousy kiss since he never been kissed or kissing before. But somehow Fuji made it feels so great that he could feel he himself returning that kiss.

He was trapped between Fuji's small body and the wall when they finally broke the kiss.

"What was that suppose to mean!" he snapped to his friend who was smiling his sly smile no one ever seen before.

"You returned my kiss," Fuji said calmly.

"Because you make me to!"

"Denial. I know exactly that deep down inside you admit that, though it was your first kiss and you can't compare it to any kiss, you know it was a great kiss,". Another statement from Fuji that hit exactly on the spot.

"It wasn't that great,"

"Then you mean it was great, though not that great, it was still great, right?"

Tezuka shook his head, he didn't have any idea to win this game from Fuji. "It wasn't great at all,"

"Fine then. If it wasn't great," he made quotation mark with his fingers when he said 'great', "then how about this?". He simply just took off his shirt before Tezuka's eyes, showing his pale flawless skin to the other boy.

Tezuka could do nothing but staring another direction but Fuji's body. He tried to focused on the ceiling, the windows on their side, Ryuzaki-sensei's desk, anything. Anything but that slender inviting body owned by Fuji Shushuke.

"What's wrong, Tezuka?" asked Fuji, "Why don't you look at me?"

"Nothing," Tezuka said under his breath. Now it wasn't just that he has to win this game against Fuji, but he has to win again his own betrayal mind first. He must convinced himself that Fuji's body wasn't that beautiful, wasn't that perfect, his scent wasn't that nice, and he simply doesn't want to know how it feels like.

The other boy chuckled. "You want me so bad that you afraid you'll loose control if you keep staring at my body"

_DAMN_

Tezuka forced himself to look at the other boy, just to prove him that he was wrong. "Why don't we just go home, Fuji?"

"'Cos I want you so bad, Tezuka,". Now he sounded like a little kid asking his mom to buy him a toy. But then his hand already stroking Tezuka's hair and the taller boy just couldn't help to shrug it off of his hair.

"Stop it already, Fuji!" he snapped.

"Maa Tezuka, you shouldn't fight it," then he pulled Tezuka's face closer to his neck in a way that only he can do that. And in a way that couldn't be resist by Tezuka.

Every inch he got closer to Fuji, Tezuka keep losing his control. His scent smells even better. His skin seems even seductive that he couldn't help but kissing it. He kissed Fuji's neck fiercely as he circled his arm around Fuji's waist and pull him closer while he other free hand stroking the shorter boy's back. And when he nibbled Fuji's flesh, the other boy let out a soft moan that makes him even want to taste that boy.

He felt Fuji's hand pushing his face deeper to his neck and he didn't resist it. He kept kissing and licking that swan neck down to his chest. And when he found Fuji's nipple he couldn't help to did the same. He made the shorter boy cries his name in pleasure. He was arching back and exposed more of his body to Tezuka.

"Isn't that enough, Fuji?" Tezuka whispered on his friend's ear. He obviously afraid to loose al his control and do something he thought he could never do before.

"Tezuka," Fuji stared at Tezuka's eyes, "we both know it wasn't enough,".

"But we can't do that! I can't do that," he snapped.

"Of course we can," Fuji sealed Tezuka's lips with a short but deep kiss.

"Fuji, I'm not attracted to you. I don't love you!"

_Liar. I know I, at least, amaze you_

'Who says I do, Baka?" he chuckled. "Tezuka, it's just physical, pure lust. No love, emotion, or any other feeling. We have sex, fuck, we're not making love. People do this, Tezuka," then he kissed him and gave him no more chance to think or argue.

It felt like their energy was sucked up when it's done. They' were both lying on the floor and Tezuka still holding Fuji's body from behind, caresses it gently.

_This body's too small, as if anyone could break it easily_

Then he kissed the back of his neck, softly.

"Let's go home, Tezuka,". All of the sudden the boy on Tezuka's arm stood up and start wearing his clothes.

"What?" Tezuka stared at him, puzzled.

"Don't get too carried away. When it's done, it's done. We don't share embraces and stuff," explained Fuji.

"Why is that?"

"'Cos we're not couple and not love each other," answered Fuji with his back faced Tezuka.

"Won't ever love each other," said Tezuka.

"Exactly," the shorter boy turned around and sent him a smile.

"Fuji, do you do this to another guy?" asked Tezuka as he starts to put on his clothes.

"Nope," Fuji shook his head, "it's even my first time,". Once again this guy made Tezuka shocked. He stared at him in disbelieve. "I'm telling you the truth, Tezuka," said Fuji with his childish tone. Tezuka realized Fuji never use it to anyone.

Anyone but him.

"Why me then?"

"'Cos you're stoic, cold, uptight. They say you're an Ice-king," he paused and smiled, "And it would be very interesting if I could seduce you and make you sleep with me,"

"So this is the real Fuji Shusuke. You're not how they think you are,". The shorter one nodded.

Tezuka knew his friend wouldn't show this side of him to anyone else. And Fuji knew his friend wouldn't tell about anything that happens when they're together to anyone else.

"We should do this another time," decide Fuji and he wasn't even asking Tezuka's approval.

"No, we're not gonna do this anymore," Tezuka said firmly.

Fuji just shrugged. "We'll see,"

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Tezuka had lost counting how many times he lost from Fuji since that afternoon. And he would keep it to himself as actually for a few times he let Fuji won the game. Then, after each sex they keep reminding each other that it was just physical.

As it's the only way to protect their feeling.

And now Fuji was trying to play another game. He stood closely to Tezuka with his fingers clenched Tezuka's shirt. He's trying to close the gap between their lips with a kiss.

"Fuji, I'm serious," Tezuka said firmly as he held the other boy to stop him trying to sealed their lips. If he let that kiss happen, he knew the conversation would end up in another way. The way he didn't want it to be.

Fuji shrugged and released himself from Tezuka. "I know you are," he smiled before finally chuckled, "Won't hurt your golden boy. Promise," then he led his way to leave the room.

"Just…why did you challenged him in the first place, Fuji?" asked Tezuka before Fuji managed to walk out of the room.

"Curious," answered him as he turned around and smiled.

"Of him?" asked Tezuka in confusion.

Fuji was not supposed to be curious to another guy but Tezuka. And vice versa. Since the first time they met, each of them always amazed the other and no one could amaze them in the same way they amaze each other. They're only interesting in each other, that's the rule of universe.

"Of the reason why you're attracted to him,".

-

Like Fuji said everything would back to normal. So if he wasn't leaning against the fence next to Tezuka during the afternoon session, he must be missing him. And if he wasn't annoyed Tezuka with his everlasting smile, Tezuka must be missing him.

"What are you looking at?" asked Tezuka as he pretend to watch everyone while he was actually watching Echizen trained with Inui.

"You," answered Fuji with his adorable smile.

"Next match! Kawamura-FujiXOishi-Kikumaru!" announced Ryuzaki-sensei's.

"and your intense observation on one particular member," he added before leaving the captain with his surprise. Tezuka thought he'd successfully hide his 'intense observation' on Echizen from everyuone, but still he couldn't deceive Fuji.

That afternoon had been a long hard session for everyone. And all of them hurriedly go back home to get some rest. As to Fuji, he couldn't just go home without Tezuka since it already a habit for them to walking home together. But he couldn't find the other boy anywhere around.

"Oishi, do you see Tezuka?" asked Fuji as he saw Oishi packing his stuff in the clubroom with Kikumaru waiting next to him.

"He's still in the court with Echizen. He and Inui had made extra menu for the oichibi, right Shu-chan?" asked Kikumaru.

"A yes. Why don't you just go with us? I believe that train will take some time,"

"Nah, thanks guys. I gotta something to talk to him first," he smiled, "See you tomorrow,". Fuji hurriedly go to the court, though he knew he wouldn't go home with Tezuka this afternoon he just has t talk to that guy.

"Still here?"

Tezuka answered it with a nod. "I have to give Echizen extra training," he said as he watching their junior running a few laps, "his stamina is not so good,"

"You know he doesn't need that. He's genius, he can win a match in a few minutes," argued Fuji.

"What if he met someone like you? It wouldn't take just a few minutes," answered the captain firmly.

"Fuji-senpai, tell him I don't need this train!" whined Echizen from the other side of the court. But Fuji just smiled at him.

"It's good for your stamina!" he shouted.

"Sorry, Fuji. But I can't walking home with you,"

"That's okay, I could wait,"

"You better go home, and use your time for something useful,". Fuji shrugged.

"Oh fine, Tezuka. See you tomorrow, and sorry to disturbing your date with him," he said as he tapped Tezuka's shoulder and walked away.

"By the way, Tezuka," Fuji turned around to face Tezuka who's watching at him, "didn't you ever said that my and Kikumaru stamina aren't so good either. I just wondering why you don't make any 'extra training' for us," then he smiled once again, "Ja, Tezuka..,"

-

Once again, the shorter boy amused Tezuka. Fuji never ever intimidate by anyone, nothing could makes him feel threaten. But when he came to Tezuka and say those few lines of sarcasm really shows how threaten he was.And it seems had effected him in a way. Though only Tezuka who could notice it.

He had just get off the shower when he heard someone entering the locker room. Hurriedly, he grabbed a towel and circled it around his waist.

"Tezuka, Inui said you want me," he heard Fuji's cheerful tone from another side of the room. Lucky for Fuji 'cos no one else in the locker room but he and Tezuka. So he light up his smoke.

Fuji never smokes in front of anyone but Tezuka. For him, Tezuka's too cold to even care if someone's smoking.But it's not like Tezuka allows him to smoke, as a captain of the tennis club of course he couldn't allow any of his members to smoke. He didn't want any of them get spell or drop out from the school, right? That's the only reason why he forbids Fuji to smoke when he's still in school area.

-

Or at least that what he tell him.

"Since when do you start to smoke again?"

"Just now,"

"Fuji, you know you can't,". Sometimes it's really hard for Tezuka to find a reason why he could be the best friend of someone that stood on the other side of the world from him. And it's okay if he could touch him and take him to stand on your side.

But the thing is, he really couldn't do that to Fuji.

"No one will know, Tezuka. If it's only you…..," he sucked his smoke, "it won't be bad, right?"

"Give me your smoke," demanded Tezuka. Instead of head it to Tezuka, Fuji blew the smoke from his mouth to Tezuka. "Fuji, we have a deal!" snapped Tezuka who's now trying to snatch the smoke away from Fuji's hand.

"You'll kiss me everytime I ask you to if I quit smoking. That deal?" confirmed Fuji as he keeps his hand away from Tezuka. And just then Tezuka successfully pinned Fuji's back the lockers. He knew he had trapped.

"Fine," he threw down the smoke and step on it, "So, why don't you kiss me now?" demanded Fuji.

Tezuka shook his head in disbelieves. Once again he feel to one of Fuji's trap. But he's a man who keeps his promise. So he leaned closer to Fuji and kissed his lips.

The captain meant it to be a quick soft kiss, but Fuji knew him too well that he knows the right way to makes Tezuka wants him more. The kiss was deepened and grew wilder, and they're both panting when Tezuka finally broke it.

"You taste like smoke," said Tezuka. He's still leaning so close to Fuji.

"Tasty, right?" teased Fuji.

"But toxicate," he argued as staring straight into Fuji's blue orbs.

"And addicting, ne?" Fuji smiled and tilted his head sideways in a very seductive way. "Sso addicting that you can't help to not taste it again and again and.."

"Urusai," and with that Tezuka sealed Fuji's lips with his.

He didn't realise just how much he wanted and missed Fuji. It's been a while he didn't taste that lips and it makes him so hunger for the kiss. And Fuji's soft lips just make him wants to slip his tongue into Fuji's warm inviting mouth. Ass he did that, Fuji let out a soft moan and just drove him crazy. Tezuka held Fuji's arms against the locker up above his head while his other free hand wrapped around the other boy's waist and pulled it closer to him. He didn't want to just tasting Fuji's lips, he wanted the whole of him right now

-

They're not a couple, they didn't share emotion and such, and both of the boys realize that. So, there's no embraces and caresses after making love.

It couldn't even said as 'making love', they're just having sex. Pure lust without feeling and emotions. Or that's what they're keep telling to themselves And just after every sex they had, the two tennis players would pull away from each other and put on their clothes like nothing ever happen.

"You're not concentrating when on trainings," Tezuka finally stated his real intention to call Fuji.

Each of them were still dressing up with Fuji sat on the bench and Tezuka stood before his own locker. Their backs facing each other's.

"I thought I've made you forget about that,". Tezuka could feel Fuji was making a sly smile while he said that.

"Why, Fuji?" Tezuka turned around to face the other boy, he demanded an answer.

Fuji had done with his clothes and now standing facing his captain. "Nothing, Tezuka. I promise to be more concentrate,". All that he needs right now was to get out of that room and not having any more conversation with Tezuka.

When there's only the two of them together, Fuji never hides anything from Tezuka. He would mad when he was mad over something, or when he bored, when he depressed, he always shows and tells what he's feeling to Tezuka.

But this time, Fuji was lying to him. He just knew it somehow.

"You can't lie to me,"

"Listen, I promise I'll…"

"I don't need your promise! I need your reason why you're not concentrate on trainings, Fuji!" snapped Tezuka.

"I just don't feel it, okay?"

"That's not an excuse," Tezuka still demand a reasonable answer. But instead of explaining to him, Fuji turned around and led his way to the door. "Fuji! I'm not done yet and you still have thing to explain,"

"Then are you concentrating when on trainings?". To Tezuka's surprise, Fuji faced him once again and snapped. "You set your eyes on him and standing there pretending you care about the rest of us," now he's raging. And Fuji's not supposed to rage, not even before Tezuka's eyes. "How could I even feel like training if my captain only pay attention to one member?" he added after compose his calmness once again.

Tezuka let out a sigh, "Fuji, I…" before Tezuka had the chance to finish his words, all of the sudden Fuji put up his infamous smile. The smile he always shows to everyone. Everyone to Tezuka.

Fuji never need to close his eyes and smiled his lovely smile to Tezuka. For that smile is just a fake and he never need to facking anything to Tezuka. He could trust that guy and he could always be himself when there's no one else around but Tezuka. He's not the prodigy, the tensai, the genius, or whatever tailed after his name. He's just Fuji.

But, Fuji was showing that smile to him right now and said "Buchou, I promise I'll be like other members who obey your orders,"

The smile, the sweet talking just made Tezuka's heart aching. Feels like something was clenching his heart and it hurts badly.

"Sorry Tezuka, I really need to go home right now. See you tomorrow, bye," then Fuji left the room.

Tezuka knew he just lost the Fuji he used to know.

-

Echizen's eye had really recovered right now and tomorrow the big match between the captain of Seigaku tennis club and the brilliant freshman was held. And during those days after their arguing in the locker room, Fuji's been fully concentrated on the trainings. He's been so concentrated that he never leaned against the fence next to Tezuka, or asking for fewer laps when the captain grounded them. He just train and do like everyone do.

Somehow he knew Tezuka was watching him from where he was standing. And sometimes he was the one who did that. But no word was spoken between those two.

Fuji clenched his shirt unconsciously. He felt really depressed right now and yet he had to smile all the time. With no one to talk to and no one could make him comfortable enough to just bare his emotions. He had lost that person.

"Nya, Fuji! You've been spacing out these days,". Kikumaru's words brought him back from his daydreaming. And as always he could only smile.

"Kikumaru, no chatting on the court! 20 laps for everyone!" shouted Tezuka. A loud groan could be heard as the respond, but they did that anyway.

Usually everyone, especially Kikumaru, would wait Fuji to said that the laps was too much, then the captain would reduce it, and everyone would be happy. But they never hope for fewer laps anymore since these days Fuji would take every lap Tezuka told them, he didn't even stand next to the captain anymore anyway.

"Fuji, if you kept your cold war with Tezuka everyone would be suffered," said Kikumaru as he ran next to the prodigy who just keep on smiling.

"I said no chatting, Kikumaru!" another shouted from Tezuka.

"Nya! You're so mean, Tezuka!" the red haired boy sulked. "Fuji, you really have to make up with him. This is not good," now Kikumaru was whispering his words, afraid the stoic captain would hear him and gave them another laps. But once again Fuji only smiled at him before he left Kikumaru behind.

Sorry, Kikumaru. Maybe you should ask that to another member. I'm not the closest to him anymore

Fuji knew his position and it wasn't the same as it used to be. He was just an outsider now. Just a member of the tennis club, nothing more. Though he realized he was the one who chose that way.

He was consciously avoiding Tezuka. Only talk about tennis whenever the situations acquired them to talk. He never teased him anymore 'cos it was just so hard to do when you know you're not that close and not that important to that person. Even the relation wasn't involving emotions, it was still hard.

This whole-complicated situation had been a burden for him. But what had been a burden for him today was the fact that tomorrow was the day the big match would be held. And the burden was even heavier for him.

"Oishi" he called the vice-captain while he was waiting for his double partner to walking home together, "could you talk to Tezuka about tomorrow?"

"You want it to be cancelled, right?" asked Oishi. The prodigy nodded. "I've been worried about that too. But he's so stubborn, he didn't listen to me," there's a glint of worries in his voice. "Well have you talk to him, Fuji?"

Fuji shook his head, "He won't listen to me," he gave Oishi a bitter smile.

"Are you kidding me? Everyone knows he listens to you more than anyone. Well, I know there's something between you these days. But will you at least try?"

Fuji let out a big sigh. This was really hard for him. Usually he could always make people do something as he wishes, but now when he really need that he just couldn't. He never felt this hopeless before.

"Nya! Shu-chan, let's go home!" the red haired boy jumped out of the locker room to right next to Oishi. "Maa Fuji, do you want to join us?" asked him as he saw his friend was there too.

"No, he doesn't want to. Fuji needs to talk to Tezuka. So let's not disturb them, ne Eiji?"

"Hai! See you tomorrow then Fuji!" Kikumaru waved his hand before circled his arms around Oishi.

'He's all yours now, Fuji. Ja nai!". Then the golden pair left him alone with his contemplation. Fuji just couldn't help to not watching them. Watching Kikumaru rested his head on Oishi's shoulder as they were walking side by side.

_It must be nice to have someone to lean on to_

The creaking sound from the opening door snapped him back to reality. He knew who was opening that door and now that person was standing right before him with his usual firm look.

Naturally, Fuji smiled to him. He thought it was the best way to start a conversation. "Would you mind if I'm walking home with you?" asked Fuji, still with smile. In return Tezuka shook his head and start walking past through him.

_We'll see what you want_

Tezuka knew that Fuji must have been smiling right now. His smile was wide and it seems so sincere. But the wider and the sincerer it was the faker it was. He knew he must be feeling very uneasy and that smile was the only way to hide his feeling.

"The sky is so dark right now. It's gonna be raining soon I guess," then he chuckled, "Kikumaru really hates rain. He…"

"Fuji, you're talking about weather!" snapped Tezuka. He really tired with this let's-pretend-nothing's-happen situation Fuji's trying to build. "Just tell me what do you want?"

"If I asked you to cancel the match, would you do that?" asked Fuji carefully.

"No, I wouldn't,"

Fuji slowering his pace before finally stopped walking and tried to explain what he thinks. "Tezuka, we're……."

Tezuka turned to face him and snapped. "There's no 'we'! Don't bring everybody else in this problem. It's just you and me, and your jealousy toward Echizen over some stupid reason that only you and your wicked mind can understand,"

Fuji flinched over Tezuka's words. _Wicked mind?_. It really hurts him. If he wasn't there to make Tezuka canceling the match he must've been walking away and stop his attempt right now. But he had more important thing then his hurted feelings, so he stayed.

"I swear, it's not about that, Tezuka," Fuji was trying to sounds strong when he said that. But it only came out as a soft whisper.

"Then what? What is it all about, Fuji?" Tezuka paused. "I really don't understand you. First, you show me that fake smile. Then days of avoidance. Fuji, you even build a wall to protect yourself from me. You reject me. I thought you mad at me. And I just can't find the reason why you're mad at me. And it's really pissing me off! Now you come to me and ask me to cancel the match, huh?" he paused again, "After what you've done to me, do you think you still have the right?"

Fuji clenched his bag strap tighter, as if it was the only thing that kept him alive. He lowered his face as to hide his face with his bangs and whispered, "Gomen,"

Tezuka shook his head, he just didn't understand what's Fuji up to. He turned around and started to leave the shorter boy.

"Tezuka!" Fuji called up his name, but he wouldn't stop. He heard Fuji fastening his pace to catch up with him and walking right behind him. "Tezuka, listen to me. I know that Echizen is really brilliant and talented, probably the best player now," Fuji kept talking to Tezuka's back. "I know he's so interesting and you must be like him so much and.." he paused to calmed himself, "..and I've been such a jerk. I didn't even try to understand you. I know I don't have the right to ask you to cancel the match, but…". All of the sudden Tezuka turned around. Fuji almost bumped on him if he didn't stop.

"If you know you don't have the right, why you're even bother to ask?"

"'Cos I worry about you, Tezuka! Echizen's a good player, it's gonna be a tough match and you injury might get worse because of it," snapped Fuji.

There, he said that. He had said his reason, and he could only hope that Tezuka would listen to him.

"I know you too well, Fuji," Tezuka shook his head. He didn't believe what Fuji had said. "You never worry about anyone but yourself. You just don't want me and everybody else to like Echizen very much since he could be the next prodigy, and you don't want that ever happen 'cos you want all the attention is only for you,". It wasn't a question sentence. He doesn't need Fuji's answer whether it was right or wrong, 'cos he believed he was right. And that's the end of conversation. He turned back once again.

But before he had a chance to leave, he felt a small hand clenched his shirt.

"What if it was Oshi's request? If it's Kikumaru's? And Inui's? Taka's? What if it was Momo who asked you? What if it was the whole team who asked you? Everyone…. Everyone but me?". Tezuka tried to escape. "Please, Tezuka. Please. It's the whole team who ask you, and not me," there' a sound of desperate in his voice.

"God! Fuji you're so low," and just that Tezuka shoved Fuji's hand from his shirt and walked away.

This time Fuji had running out of artilleries. He didn't have anything else to stop him. He didn't even have the strength to just stand. He slumped to floor. Curled up into a ball and just wished he could cry since he didn't have the strength.

-

"So do you cancel it?"

"What?" Tezuka stared at Oishi questioningly.

"The match with Echizen,"

"Of course not," answered Tezuka who already done with his shoes and heading to the court for morning session.

"Oh. So he failed," Oishi said to himself.

"Who?" asked Tezuka. He was frowning.

Oishi smiled a stupid grin. "Yesterday, I told Fuji to ask you to cancel the match. We worry about your arm," explained Oishi.

"Why did you told him to?" there's an obvious regret in Tezuka's voice. "Can't you see we're in the middle of something?"

"Yeah, I know. But the two of you're so close and everything is always okay with you two, you never really have a big fight. So I thought you'd listen to him," he paused, "but apparently I'm wrong," said Oishi with a shrugged. Then the two start heading to the court, with Tezuka drowned in his own contemplation.

"Say, Oishi," he stopped before they reached the court, "do you.. I mean you, yourself, really worry about my arm?"

Oishi smiled to that question. He knew Tezuka couldn't easily take affection directed to him.

"Yes, I do. And I know he do to,"

-

Fuji curled up on the couch in his living room. He's been in that position this whole day. He was mean to go to school that morning. He was even already wearing his shoes. But all of the sudden he felt like he lost his strength once again. He still remembered how weak he was last night. If the janitor didn't find him sitting in the hallway, he must've spent the night at school.

He's been let out millions sighs this day. For he felt something was clenching his chest and it was really heavy just to breathe. He wished he could just cry until his tears wasted up, but he couldn't. It had been too long since the last time he cried that he forget how to. He had been put up his fake smile too many times and crying was the last thing he could remember.

He let out another sigh.

/_He was right, I am wicked. I never met anyone who put up a mask on his face every time other people is around and cover the real him to make people like him. Never met anyone who would do anything to do what he wants and make people do what he wants. I am wicked. I'm such a fake/_

Then he heard the doorbell rang, he really didn't feel to have a company right now. So Fuji remained silent in his crib until the bell died down. The guest must've give up, he thought.

But to cover the lost of the ringing doorbell, his cellphone rang. It was Tezuka. Did he really want to talk to the captain? But then he realized that the guest must be Tezuka and he must be still standing outside his door right now. He must've heard when the cellphone rang. And Fuji had choice but to pick it up.

"Moshi-moshi,"

"Are you home? 'Cos I heard.."

"Hai, gomen. I was asleep so I didn't hear when the bell rang," he lied. "I'll open the door for you,".

Fuji didn't know how to act. He stood before the door that separated him from Tezuka for a few seconds just to decide how to act. Did he show him his so-called fake smile or the real him that drawn in his own depression.

Finally he chose the first one. It was a polite way to accept a guest, right?

"Welcome," he said when he let Tezuka in. He led his captain t the living room where he'd spent this whole day thinking about what he said. "Please, just make yourself comfortable,". He signed Tezuka to sit on the couch, at exact spot where he'd curled up.

"What would you like to drink, Tezuka?"

"I'm here to talk to you so could we just cut the crap and start talking?" asked Tezuka. He really needed to talk Fuji. He hurriedly went from school just because he really needed and wanted to talk to the shorter boy.

As Fuji sat across the coffee table that separate them, Tezuka begun to talk. "About yesterday…"

"Yesterday you've open my eyes about who I really am and I should thanking you for that," Fuji cut Tezuka's words. He shocked himself for he said that so fluently, and he even still smiling. His lovely, irresistible smile that everyone loved.

Tezuka watched that smile silently. He had to admit that it was beautiful, as the owner. These whole times he could always see the real thing Fuji hides behind his smiles. And this one hid a mixed emotion of something sad and bitter. He knew it was his entire fault and couldn't help but feeling guilty for contaminate such a beautiful smile.

"I just realize that your smile is so beautiful,". That statement was really shocked Fuji. "And I have to ask your forgiveness for saying bad things about your smile,"

"But it was true, and yet I'm still showing you this," his smile grew wider. And Tezuka caught a huge guilty behind it.

"Even if it was fake, everyone loves it and if you never showing that smile ever again they would…. _I _would really miss it,"

How could he be like this, Fuji thought. Yesterday, he said harsh words that hurt him so bad and now this. Fuji couldn't help but to chuckle.

"What so funny, Fuji?"

"Yesterday, you said that I kept changing so fast that it confused you. But hey, today you come to me and tell me that my smile is beautiful after you said that….." he stopped. He realized he just make Tezuka sounds so bad. "Tezuka,Ididn'tmeantomakeyousoundso…"

"I know," Tezuka cut Fuji's guilty words. "That's okay. You're right," Tezuka smiled at him. And it was really rare to see Tezuka's warm smile that Fuji couldn't but staring at it ridiculously.

He still staring at his captain when that guy stood up and moved to sit on the edge of the coffee table just to be closer to Fuji. Tezuka grabbed one of his hands. And for a few seconds no one said a word.

Fuji's eyes widened when Tezuka grabbed his hand. This warm-and-nice version of Tezuka was a completelly a new thing for Fuji. And Tezuka made him lost his words, once again.

Tezuka missed to touch Fuji's skin. Its softness always amused him even after he felt it against his own for so many times. It was amazing to realize that this soft silky hand was the same skilful and strong hand when it comes to tennis. But, didn't Fuji himself was amazing.

"I cancelled the match," he said all of the sudden, still caressing Fuji's hand with his fingers.

"Why?" Fuji was shocked, "I thought it was really important for you,"

"Yes. But Oishi said he worried about my arm,". He stopped caressing Fuji's but still hold it firmly in his grip. He was looking straight to Fuji's eyes with his usual serious firm look. "And I know that you do too. So I cancel it,"

Fuji smiled. He was smiling because he didn't know how to feel. Should he be glad 'cos Tezuka cancelled the match, or should he be mad 'cos he didn't believe what he said the other day.

"I'm really sorry that I didn't believe you yesterday," said Tezuka as if answering Fuji's confusion. "And about Echizen…. I actually don't understand why you're so jealous with him,"

"I know you like him, Tezuka. So I kinda feel like… I'm gonna lose you," he smiled. A shy cute smile and a small chuckled. "After all we've said about no feelings and all I'm still feel attach to you. And yes, it's really bad to lose you," he said still with his shy smile.

In these two days he had make two confession. First, his worries toward Tezuka, and now he was afraid to lose him. This whole universe should hear that! Fuji Shusuke care about someone, and he afraid to lose that person!

Tezuka let out a big sigh. Then, without any warning he leaned closer to Fuji and held him tightly. "Baka," he whispered into Fuji's ear, "You one stupid idiot, Fuji,". Tezuka started to rock their bodies in a smooth rhythm and caressed the other boy's back. "How could you think about that! Why would I replace you? Why would I even think to replace you, baka?"

Those words were more than anything he wanted to hear. And he certainly didn't need any other explanation. He clenched the back of Tezuka's shirt as tears flowing from his eyes.

Tezuka broke the embrace. "Don't cry, I haven't finish my words. We have crying session after that," he said sarcastically as he wiped the tears from Fuji's eyes.

It was _a-joke-coming-from-Tezuka's-mouth_. And it's funny! Fuji couldn't help but laughing. Not because of the joke but because the attitude. He was wondering that if he woke up the next morning and found Sahara turned into an ocean, he wouldn't be surprised.

"And don't laugh, it's suppose to be serious,"

Another joke! And Fuji was laughing once again. "I'm sorry," but still chuckling.

"Listen," Tezuka rested his forehead on Fuji's and stared at the blue eyes before him. Fuji stopped his giggles; it was indeed had to be serious. "For me you're not just a .. you know, a ….."

"Sex partner?" Fuji tried to help.

"Yeah that. You're more than that. Even more than just a friend,"

"Your closest friend,". Actually Fuji knew where Tezuka led but he avoid that. He was still afraid of the truth.

"Yes, and even more,"

"Tezuka you love him,"

"Didn't I make myself clear that I don't! I said I won't replace you, Fuji!"

"As your sex partner, even as your closest friend maybe. But you love…."

Tezuka stopped him from talking and sealed his lips with a kiss. He never kissed Fuji without Fuji made a first move. But this time he kissed the boy and it was different. It was flooded with emotions. Fuji knew exactly what Tezuka felt trough that kiss.

"Do you still need words?" asked Tezuka after they broke the kiss.

"I love you, too,"

"Great," then he gave the boy another deep kiss. "The next time we're _having sex_, it's suppose to be _making love_, okay?"

The shorter boy nodded. "So, can we try that?" he smiled an innocent familiar smile. Tezuka knew exactly what behind that smile.

"Fuji.." he warned the boy.

"No one's at home till next week," Fuji kept going.

"Fuji…" he warned once again, even firmly. But Fuji had already kissing him, so it was like 9:1 he would stay at Fuji's house.

-

end


End file.
